Real Life

From 2011, when I was diagnosed with M.E up until my hospital admission in 2013, my days consisted of sleeping, reading and not much else. I didn’t leave the house, have any friends, or see anyone other than my parents and siblings. It was extremely isolating. During my 10 months in hospital, I made a lot of friends and became more confident in my own skin but that changed again when I was discharged home.
Coming home was amazing in so many ways (I was free to choose what/when to eat, sleep in my own bed, watch whatever I wanted on TV, use my laptop, and see my family and dogs all the time) but terrifying in others (I suddenly had to make decisions again after months of having near enough everything decided for me, I had no structure to my days, I wasn’t with the friends I made all the time or even near enough to visit them a lot).
Over the last year, I have gradually built up a routine again- I now volunteer at a charity shop, have regular recovery worker appointments, and spend a lot of time out and about with my mum or meeting up with friends. But everything is about to change again. As of next year, I will be a student. I’ll be in college studying childcare (if everything goes according to plan and I am accepted onto the course) and will be spending most days on a placement at a nursery or at college. I’m hoping I’ll be able to continue doing some kind of voluntary work similar to what I’m doing now, but I don’t know if/how that would fit into my schedule. I know going to college is something I am (mostly) mentally and physically ready for but it’s also scary because I feel like this is where adulthood starts. I’ll be in college for two years then I’ll either go onto university or straight into work. And I’ll probably be working for majority of my life. That’s scary.
I know I can’t live at home in my little pink bedroom forever and I don’t want to- I want to move out, experience different things, travel and, eventually, have a family of my own. But the steps I need to complete to get there are overwhelming.
I guess it’s confusing because part of me is so happy I’m well enough to be thinking about my long term future but the other part of me is scared shitless that life is finally moving forward.