Not right

Things aren’t right. I can’t say when it started, I don’t know myself, but I do know that I’ve not been feeling ‘right’ for a few months. At first it wasn’t a big deal, just feeling more irritable, tired and not as interested in things I usually am. But I could cope with that.

It’s gotten worse and I’m in a perpetually numb state. I’m never happy, sometimes I’m sad or angry but majority of the time I’m numb. I can go through the motions and get through my day just fine but then I get home and once I’m alone, I’m hit by the darkness. The feelings of worthlessness start creeping in, I feel like this ugly, fat, loser with no friends, prospects or goals. I eventually get some sleep (that’s a struggle) and then wake up with my shield back in place.

I’m 20, I’m always told that these are the best years of my life- if that’s true, kill me now.

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4 thoughts on “Not right

    • I’m with a mental health service so I’ve spoken to them about it, but there’s not too much they can do other than raise my medication (which they did about a month ago) and see me more often (which they’ve said they’ll do).
      X

      • Not recently. I was in hospital for almost a year a few years back and did a lot of therapy in there- mainly CBT. Since coming home things had been pretty stable so I hadn’t seen the need but obviously things are worse again. My support worker has put in a referral for art therapy because I’m not sure I’d have enough to talk about in talking therapy so will see how that goes x

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