It’s only a month into the year and I have already achieved (or am on my way to achieving) majority of my goals. I thought I’d post a little update. 

1. I have been discharged from mental health services! It’s been almost 4 years since this whole journey started and I’m so happy to put an end to that chapter. I’ll never forget it but I’m happy that it’s behind me.

2. I am booking my first proper holiday in 2 weeks! E and I are going to Iceland in October! I cannot wait. 

3. I started a new job in December so before I even posted the goals the goal was achieved! 

4. I’ve met a ton of new people at my new job and am loving it! 

5. I have lost a stone since starting my new job. It’s extremely active which means I have lost weight without actively trying (and also improving my fitness at the same time). 

All that is left is a car! Which I am in the process of looking into. I just need to compare prices as there are a few options. When I’ve got my car, I might make some new goals as I’ll still have a decent amount of 2017 left. 

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23/1/17- the day my heart broke in two

I can honestly say that I’ve never understood when someone complains of a broken heart, but as of today I do. My heart aches to even be typing these words.

For eight and a half years you have been my best friend, sister, side kick, companion, and baby. My heart broke today as we said our goodbyes but I am so happy you are at peace and no longer in any pain. I told you I’d never leave you and I was there until the end, my love. 

I remember thinking that we were doing a great thing, rescuing a dog, but it wasn’t you that was blessed, it was us- without a doubt. You brought so much love, joy, and laughter to our little family and I will love you forever. 

I can only hope that I will lucky enough to see you again, piggle, so until then- sleep tight xx 

January

January has flown by and a lot has happened already. I started my second part time job in December so have been working two jobs for about 6 weeks now. I am absolutely loving it though and the extra income isn’t bad either! I’ve already managed to add a fair amount to my savings. 

E and I have planned our October holiday too, we are officially going to Iceland! We have worked out the figures and it’s going to be quite expensive (we want to do a lot in a short space of time and Iceland is pricey!). I got my holiday from work confirmed today, so just waiting on E’s to be confirmed then we can book away! We’ve decided we definitely want to do the ‘inside the volcano’ tour, self drive the Golden Circle, visit the blue lagoon, go ice caving, hopefully see the Northern Lights (but we know it’s never guaranteed) and of course, sightsee around Reykjavik. If anyone has any tips or things you would recommend doing in Iceland in October, feel free to let me know!

I took the leap and joined a gym too but I haven’t quite made it through the doors yet. Oops! My plan had been to go after I finish work but by the time I’ve finished, I’m knackered and the last thing on my mind is working out. I do about 10,000-14,000 steps on average during a shift and I get up at 3am to start at 4am so I’m thinking that might be enough exercise for now. The gym membership might be going in the bin.

January has mostly been great but the only downfall is, my little dog Tilly’s health has rapidly declined. She has tumour on her spine and hasn’t got long left. She is my little best friend, and has been for 8 years. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do without her. 

Goals for 2017

I can’t believe that it’s already time to write this post. I feel like I say this every year now but 2016 has flown by in the blink of an eye. It’s been an eventful year (I got my first job, passed my driving test) but I’m looking forward to wiping the slate clean in 2017. 

So here we go. I don’t have a lot of goals for 2017 but the first couple are quiet significant..

-get my first car

-start a new job

-get discharged from MH services (due to happen in January)

-go on holiday (my best friend + I are planning to go to Iceland!)

-branch out and meet new people

-improve my fitness and continue to eat healthily

30 things to do before I’m 30

1. Go to Iceland

2. Hot air balloon

3. Open cinema 

4. Learn to play guitar

5. Spend Christmas or New Year in New York

6. Go ape

7. Write a book, published or unpublished

8. Go skiing or snowboarding

9. Run a marathon

10. Get a tattoo

11. Safari

12. Feed/meet giraffes 

13. Go to a festival 

14. La tomatina

15. Go camping

16. Throw a dart at a map and travel there

17. Skydive

18. Go to Maine

19. Fall in love

20. Universal, Harry Potter world, Disneyland Paris

21. See the Northern lights 

22. Move out

23. Do a zip wire 

24. Harry Potter themed party

25. Take my mum on a trip abroad

26. Eat vegan for a month

27. Volunteer

28. Spend a weekend in central London and truly explore it

29. Road trip around the country

30. Visit Italy

Tilly

We got our first ever dog just after I turned 12 and she has been my best friend ever since (8 years). She’s seen me through my best and worst times and I love her to death.

But she’s poorly. She has a spinal rumour, it was diagnosed about 3 years ago now and she has surgery to attempt to remove it 2 and a half years ago. It was unsuccessful, they couldn’t get all of the tumour so we have known that her symptoms would gradually get worse over time. We thought we’d be lucky if she made it a year after her surgery, yet here we are. I know she hasn’t got long left though and it’s breaking my heart. I just cried and held her tonight because I might not be able to for much longer. I never want her to suffer and I know that soon, we’ll have to make one of the hardest decision we’ll ever make. 

I love you Tildy. x

7/1/17

I was just googled a random question about my new piercing and it took me to a Reddit thread. Below the thread I was reading, was one titled “women who have been through mental health issues, how do you forgive yourself for the years you’ve lost?” Me being me, I obviously clicked on it. And the first answer I saw was this “to me they weren’t lost, they were spent learning how to be healthier”.

My intial answer, had I been asked that question, would be “I don’t know how to forgive myself” but what I better way to look at it. I sometimes believe that I wasted those 3-4 years but that answer just made me do a complete 180. In those years, I learnt that I have a fucking amazing family. I learnt that I really really love myself. I learnt that although it sometimes feels like time has stopped, it never truly does. And that’s beautiful. Right now someone is bringing a baby into this world whilst someone else takes their last breath. That’s the way our world is and that won’t change for anyone.