For someone who has never been bothered about alcohol, I’m drinking a lot. I feel like a day off is wasted if I haven’t been out the night before. I feel like it has become my natural coping mechanism and I don’t know whether I love it or hate it. 

I’ve been making bad decisions but I’m always drunk so can pass the blame on to that. It’s not really my fault if I’m drunk, is it? 

Food is a big problem again. My weird working hours combined with my drinking means I barely eat and when I do, it’s not much. I am struggling. Really struggling.